The destruction of our democracy with its core values and essential services and U.S. international standing are losses that increasingly plague us. We are called to action by organizers and leaders. What is not given enough voice, however, is an encouragement to feel our sadness and grief. Loss creates sadness, grief, fear, anxiety, anger and denial. We feel at risk.

Unless we pay attention to our sadness, it gets denied and compels us to behave in other ways that lose touch with our selves. We substitute action and anger for grief and anxiety.

Let’s be clear, it is not either/or. We need to fight against complacency and defeat. At the same time, we need to connect with the more vulnerable parts of our selves that are feeling helpless, sad and anxious. Too often, we default to an all-or-none stance about sadness and helplessness, fearing that we will fall into an abyss. Quite the opposite — when we make room for these more vulnerable feelings, we find more creativity because we have stopped spending energy warding it off.

Our fuller selves can be freed to confront what is threatening and to activate purposefully by taking action that is more closely aligned with our true selves.

Warding off, defending against our sadness can produce symptoms such as anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, depression, substance abuse, etc. By the way, depression is not the same as sadness; depression is often a defense against sadness and other feelings that feel unsafe. Anxiety also is a warning that there are unsafe feelings we are not recognizing.

For example, a patient of mine recently disclosed that he didn’t know what to do with the anger at his aunt who was an important parental person in his childhood. He was angry at her because she voted along MAGA lines. I suggested that he might also be sad about feeling a loss of connection with her. He welled up with tears and agreed, saying it was closer to the truth of how he was feeling. Later that day, he called her and they were able to talk about their differences, at the same time confirming their love.

There are lots of available suggestions for taking action so I won’t list them here. We need to find our paths in that direction and not let the ongoing coup make us feel defeated. What we also must make room for in our mind’s eye — our awareness — is that we are in mourning. Then we can more fully access our creative and active selves and join with others who can embrace this fullness.

Bill Feinstein, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist. He lives in Ashfield.