Essentially, there are two fundamental ways of pursuing one’s life and livelihood. In order to fulfill the goals of today’s column, it’s critical first to imagine a continuum or scale, a long straight and flat line running horizontally from left to right, or right to left, across the page.

At one end — let’s say the left end — is the word “relational.” Running far to the other (right) side of our continuum is the term “transactional.” Let’s identify their commonalities and differences so as to better understand each. But first: why write about any of this? Both have everything to do with how we view and act in the world.

Do we see our lives and life experiences as a series of interconnected relationships, with our motivations and behaviors focusing on how we relate to others and how they relate to us? Holding this as a primary orientation means that we value people and our relationships more highly than we do an exchange of goods or services. Or do we see our lives and life experiences as a continuous series of actions based on the exchange of favors, gifts, commodities, and a never-ending series of quid pro quo (“you do for me, I do for you”) experiences? Literally speaking, “quid pro quo” means a favor or advantage granted or expected in return for something. Remember, these questions and reflections are about the two ends (or extremes), with most people being a blend of some of each but one tending to be dominant in most situations.

Although we may be apt to promote judgments about one side or the other, the purpose here is to simply identify, and then compare, each living style. If you feel yourself getting triggered more by one element of this continuum than the other, that might yield some important information for you about your preferences, as well as your strengths and challenges. Remember: we all sit somewhere along this line, but our station on it is mutable. In other words, like so much else in life, we have the capacity to change if we consider it important to do so, whatever the reason(s).

On the “relational” side of the continuum, people who place themselves more toward this element are individuals who are adept in the art of developing interpersonal relationships. They see the world through this relational lens, thinking about how to support others. Along with their relationship-building skills, they cherish and prize having significant friendships, collegial relationships, and good family relations (where and when possible). The thinking goes like this: the more relational and relationship-oriented you are, the less you care about and emphasize the primacy of the exchange of goods or experiences with others. Relationally based people generally have as one of their strong suits social and emotional intelligence skills and use them to build positive connections with others.

Those with a preference for “transactional” relationships are much more focused on the importance of having things done for or given to them, usually in exchange for offering something else to someone else. Here, it is the exchange that is significant, much more so than the building and/or maintenance of a relationship. What matters most here is the exchange of goods, commodities, or services so if individuals demonstrate little or no interest in serving someone else, chances are good that they will be written off. This involves one or both people in the transaction ascribing a certain value (monetary or otherwise) to any given offering.

For a transaction to be successfully accomplished, both parties must agree that the exchange feels like a fair and honest deal for both sides. If not, by one or both, then the transaction has gone awry, and generally either dies on the vine or may enable further opportunities for negotiation. In essence, a transactional living style is focused on giving and receiving on a material or service level. Those who have a transactional approach may be good at negotiation, understand the worth of valuing things, and have a sense as to how to make things happen.

In the public sphere, we see people who manifest this continuum in various ways, and we put value and meaning into what we see and experience. Some see Donald Trump as a master of the art of transactional exchanges, while others might see Kamala Harris or Joe Biden in a more relational or relationship-based light. Take a moment to think about other politicians, or even people you know and either live and/or work with and hazard a guesstimate on where they are. If you’re friendly with them, ask them to assess where they sit with this.

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Where are you on this continuum? Which side pulls on you more than the other? Which aspect do you find is either more challenging or less interesting to you? Many of us are trained as younger people to learn how to finesse and draw on one element more than the other, so they do actually represent family and institutional values and convictions. Selecting a spot on the scale involves knowing oneself and one’s values and being able to employ them as necessary. We have the opportunity throughout our lives to develop both aspects of our living styles.

Whether you find yourself and those with whom you are close leaning one way or another, what’s even more important is that we come to recognize that both “types” of people exist, and that we can learn much from others who differ from ourselves. We all need to be able to access the skills and behaviors that enable us to go back-and-forth when and as necessary, depending on our situation and circumstances.

Daniel Cantor Yalowitz writes a regular column in the Recorder. A developmental and intercultural psychologist, he has facilitated change in many organizations and communities around the world. His two most recent books are “Journeying with Your Archetypes” and “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.” Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.